The last few weeks, I’ve lost myself. The combination of finally taking the SAT subject tests, going through the SM immersion and the Fully Alive Retreat (an overnight school retreat), and then spending the long weekend trying to work on an out of school project has left me in a whirlwind, drained, confused and unsure of my priorities and goals.
It was only the last few days when we finally got back to school that reality finally hit me. I wasn’t use to sitting down in the classroom anymore because of all the holidays, extra-curricular activities and out of school disruptions. Right now, a few assessments are popping out here and there and I’m feeling so drained already.
I also haven’t been able to blog that much because I’ve ran out of words. Whenever I try to write or think of ideas, my brain either gives me no ideas or a messy scatter of ideas. Then, my subconscious starts to go, why should I write about that? Does that topic really matter? Somebody probably wrote about that already or people won’t care if I write about that.
The last few days, I’ve tried to muster up enough energy to write at least a few blogposts since I haven’t really posted one in more than a week already. Despite the fact that my writing assignments and ideas notebook has quite a few ideas in it already, whenever I try writing an article, I have an extremely hard time focusing and composing an article worthy of posting. But yes, I’ve finally found a blogpost worth posting and this is why I wrote this blogpost.
What I’ve learned from these past few days that sometimes, our biggest obstacle is ourselves. We tend to feel lazy or opt not to do things even if we can or even if we want to because our subconscious tells us that we shouldn’t. At these times, we should learn to let go and stop over thinking.
I guess this is part of being a blogger. Or on a bigger scale, this is part of life. Sometimes we will hit these roadblocks and there will be times when we feel like doing nothing. There will be times where we are confused and unsure of what our next step should be. These are the times when it’s best to look at where we are and cherish all the things that have been happening to us.
Preparing for the SAT subject test on US history taught me a lot about US history and more importantly, the importance of those small details in history we tend to forget. Going through the SM immersion showed me the hardships and challenges that everyday workers face. Reflecting and learning more about myself and my classmates during the Fully Alive retreat gave me a chance to look back and also look forward. The four day weekend last week gave me time to have fun with friends and work on out of school projects.
How could I have forgotten what an incredible past few days and weeks it has been? Blogging has allowed me to look back at everything that has happened and cherish them all.
Everything is happening so fast and yes, I’ve come to realize that there are two things that recharges and energizes me. The first is blogging. The second? Just doing it.
In the whirlwind of everything that just happened, I now know why I’ve been having a hard time coming up with blogposts. I’ve forgotten how to just do it. I’ve forgotten how to live everyday like my last. I’ve forgotten how to cherish every single moment in this Senior Year of mine. Yet, now I’ve remembered that sometimes, over thinking is our biggest enemy and why sometimes, I should just tell myself, “DO IT CHOCO!”